Sleep talking 101...

...You know, I almost don't know why I named the blog what I did because I feel like the majority of the blog will about the hilarious and stupid things my boyfriend says, especially in his sleep. So here are the top 5 things he has said in the last month that actually put me in a fit of laughter while he continued to snore away.

1. "I'm Ironman"... Oh are you? I didn't know that babe. Good for you.

2. "I'm the prettiest girl"... At this point, I realize he is a very, very confused man.

3. (This one is more of an action followed by an explanation). I woke up when he elbowed me in the chest as hard as he could. I opened my eyes to him above me saying "OH MY GOD! I'M SO SORRY". I was too shocked to really do anything, so I went back to sleep, which is clearly a completely fucking normal thing to do... The next morning I obviously had to investigate, so i asked him what he was dreaming about. He said he was dreaming about defending me while we got chased by thugs. Do me a favour babe, don't fucking protect me anymore.

4. "Just stop"... I don't even know where to begin with this one... I'm not sure i even want to know.

5. "They're catholic"... HAHAHAHHAHAHA...he fucking hates religion so this was the best thing Ive heard in a while. I don't know who is catholic and why he was dreaming about catholics but I can't wait to find out...

Did  I mention that when he says these things and I'm like "What???" he responds to me IN HIS SLEEP and has no recollection in the morning. Amazing really. The male mind is so simple...

The Beginning.

The First Post...

...Ah, the first of hopefully many. And I say "hopefully many" because I've attempted to start blogging, oh I don't know, THREE TIMES now. Which will make you all very happy to hear that I have now started being a SAHWM or "stay at home working mom". Maybe this will be something I can actually stick to. Well, the mom part I sort of have to, but the working part we'll see. I've started working from home selling something amazing and also I am about to learn how to do eyelash extensions. I'm really hoping I don't suck terribly at the eyelash thing because it seems to be quite the cash cow. I'm actually really excited about finally working again because I'm kind of a lazy piece of shit who is extremely lucky in the sense that I stopped working at 9 weeks pregnant; mainly because my boss was a huge fucking bitch, but also because, well, I'm lucky. I sound like such a stupid asshole right now. 

Anyway, my goal is to document my super exciting life working from home with a baby who is full of sass, and I'm not even fucking joking, a 100lb dog who is needy as fuck, and my grown ass 32 year old boyfriend, aka toddler. I'll probably write about him the most because he is the basis of a lot annoying and hilarious situations in my life. 

I live in a small town in Alberta, Canada, but before you feel sorry for me, because I feel sorry for you if you live somewhere with a population of less than 50,000, I'm 10 min away from a metropolis so basically I don't live in a small town. This is just some background on me because I really don't want to have to explain myself if I offend somebody. That would mean that somebody would actually have to read this blog other than my mom. And what does it say about me as a person that I want you to know I live in a small town but not really?

As you can tell,  I swear, a lot. I've been told that it means I'm intelligent and I know I am so basically that ecard was accurate. I'm also extremely vulgar so if that's not something you can handle, you need to get a sense of humour. 

I can't wait for something extremely stupid to come out of my hubby's mouth so I can write about it. Give it a day, he's in Vegas (that's a whole different post for a totally different time and I think I need to start on some serious meds before I can even graze that topic). 

You can follow me on instagram @sansanjovs and twitter @Sanja_Jovanovic. I'm really funny, I swear.